maybe it was God's way of making me listen.
a couple of weeks back, i had four people tell me to have more confidence. and like... two of them even planned to talk to me about it... it wasn't a comment randomly passed while we were having a conversation...

throughout my life, i've been told to have more confidence in myself but never four people in a week! clara wrote it in my p6 autograph book (haha back in the days when we still cld be bothered abt such things), and in Guides, when we were supposed to write down pros and cons about each other, someone wrote "worries too much" for my con. and my mum... whoa she's the ultimate... day in day out. "diana u need to have more confidence!"

i guess they're probably right...because right now, im just sitting here thinking about crap... (see la, nothing to do so think about crap. i had too much time on my hands today i think). im thinking about stuff that really makes me believe that im a horrible, repulsive person... thinking about the stuff that i could have done differently... all the occassions i screwed up, didn't try hard enough, wasn't a good enough friend, didn't pay enough attention, didn't listen hard enough, didn't care enough, said all the wrong things at the wrong times, didn't make a good enough effort to try and understand, was too nervous to function properly, all my crash diets because being in the land of skinny girls really doesn't help. at least now i dont have any more weight issues :) so that's a start. crash dieting is SO stupid.

ok this is gonna be damn cliche la. but sometimes, i wish life could be like a dance :routine:... timed to the exact second... sometimes, even to the exact half second. that way i'd know what im supposed to be doing and saying at that exact moment and i'd know whether im doing it right or saying the right things...(but it'd be helluva boring man) im ashamed to say it but i wish i could always have that feeling i have when i dance... that feeling of being freed from self doubt and not so repulsive...

i think its times like these when i start thinking about crap tht really make me feel repulsive... so i shall try to kick this weird habit of mine. this weird habit of mine where i constantly remind myself of my inadequacies... this weird habit of mine i call regret.

i shall attempt to gain more confidence :) cos i really need it for this semester.

// posted by diana at 12:36 AM :: 1 comments